Fair Versus Equal

Last week, prior to all of us getting sick, a friend of mine came over for the afternoon. She has three boys, aged 5, 3, and 1. My son was in hog heaven to be around so much testosterone. He really is a guy’s guy. It was interesting watching the way he interacts with other little boys vs. the way he interacts with his sister. Even at this young of an age there is a difference. It’s like they know naturally to be more gentle when playing with girls and much more rough and aggressive when playing with other little boys. Likewise, my friend’s sons, who have little exposure to girls, seemed almost in awe of my daughter. That initial awestruck moment soon disappeared as they got down to the business of playing. My daughter was just happy to be playing with other kids her age; it didn’t matter if they were boys or girls. Although she does play differently in some regards when she plays with boys versus her female cousins or friends.

Which brings me to my point. There are obvious innate differences in the sexes from the start. People spend so much time fighting either for or against equal rights. It should be obvious to all that men and women are different. We have different needs and wants. I don’t think we should necessarily be treated equal, but we should all be treated fairly. People make the assumption that if they are not treated equally or the same it is somehow unfair. It’s not. Equality and fairness are separate issues, but often interchanged, especially in our politically correct charged society. I let my 3-year-old stay up until 8pm, sometimes 9 PM, but my 1-year-old goes to bed by 7. Is it equal? No, but it’s fair. Does everyone on high school or college sports teams get equal playing time? No, but they get fair (usually) playing time based on their talent and work ethic and ability to help the team. As a teacher you hear students complain all the time about certain rules or assignments not being fair. I think teachers especially try extra hard to be fair, but what students and often times parents don’t understand is that does not always mean equal.

I think if we as a society spent more time focused on treating all fairly as opposed to equally we’d have much less to worry about. It is virtually impossible to treat everyone equally. There are just too many moving parts, too many variables, to take into account. However, a considerable effort can be made to treat all fairly. I think if that effort is made people would be surprised at the success and would end up feeling much better about their circumstances.