Barefoot, Pregnant, and in the Kitchen...Revised to Protect the Overly Sensitive

I completely support the desire and what many perceive to be the higher calling of being a stay at home mom. After all, I am one. I feel like my children are only this young once and I want to be the one who raises them, instills our values in them, and is around to witness all of their firsts. I also understand there are many women out there, both single and married, who have to work; they have no choice. I do not fault them at all or look at them like they are somehow less of a mother. That being said I also kind of feel like if you are fortunate enough to be able to stay home without going into financial ruin, you really should.

I say all of that to give you a little background about a conversation I had this week. She too is a stay at home mom. Her husband’s brother is in real estate and with the current market he isn’t making much money. His wife is in the medical field and right now is pretty much the sole provider. This woman and her husband were talking critically of his brother and wife because basically the wife works all of the time and the hubby just hangs out with his parents. The criticism they had was that she should have never gotten a degree with such high earning potential because when they have children there is no way she will be willing to give that job up to stay home. A friend then suggested that the hubby be a stay at home dad, since most likely the wife would always make more money then he would, to which they scoffed. I sat there silent and stunned. I was shocked that they would criticize this young woman for excelling academically, getting a job she liked, and was now working extra hours to support her family since her husband was virtually unemployed. There was very little criticism placed on the hubby. I was really stunned at the sexist ignorance of the "logic" behind their criticism. My friend asked this woman what the wife should do. If she didn’t work they’d lose their car, house, go into debt, etc. Her response was that they should live off whatever salary the hubby was making (this year he’s made in the ballpark of 10K in contrast to her approximate 150K) even if that meant living in a trailer because after all it is the woman’s role to stay home regardless of the financial situation of the family (keep in mind that this couple currently has no children).

The conversation continued to go downhill from there with the gist being that the husband should work, even though right now he has very little work, and the wife should not have been so brazen as to ever pursue an advanced degree. At no point was there the suggestion that maybe the hubby should get off his apparently uninspired bum-bum (for those of you offended by harsher language) and find a different job that could provide for his family. After all, $8 an hour at Circle K is better than nothing. I really am just so flabbergasted by the entire conversation that I don’t even know entirely how to respond. This woman and her husband thought my friend and I were nuts for defending the woman who pursued her degree in medicine.

So, what do you think?