Blowin' This Joint

My parents will be moving across the country in the next few months to pursue a job opportunity for my dad. It is a prestigious position among D.C’s elite so I understand the professional appeal. However, my kids have never known life without grandparents nearby. They see my mom at least once a week and my dad usually a few times a month. (Our children do not know my husband’s parents..Another story for another time). This move, I fear, will be greatly upsetting to our 3-year-old daughter. She is very close to my mother and very attached to my father. She cherishes her relationship with them both. She is used to the routine and consistency of having them in her life. While I know she will adjust and survive I also know she won’t fully understand why every time she asks, "Can we got to grandma and grandpas?" the answer will be "no." My son, who is super clingy to me, goes to my mom willingly. She is one of the few who he actually will reach for. And, he has warmed up to my dad enough to jockey for his attention (as long as my dad doesn’t pick him up). I’m sure not seeing my parents for extended periods of time will result in the regression of this progress we’ve made.

I know there are grandkids all over the world who have close relationships with their grandparents who live in other parts of the country. It is just a dynamic my kids have not experienced. This job is a 4-year term that my dad will be serving. By the time they return (which is currently what they claim the plan to be) our daughter will be in 3rd grade and our son heading into 1st. That is a long time in the life of a child. It is upsetting to think of all the day to day happenings that they are going to miss. I think if a long distance relationship is the only kind of relationship they ever had with their grandparents then it wouldn’t be an issue. But our kids have had the opposite.

My husband and I moved back to my hometown for a variety of reasons, but the primary one being that we wanted our children to grow up with grandparents in the same city. I lived my entire life (minus a year here and there) in the same town with my grandparents. I am thankful for that as I have fond memories of stopping by their house after school, spending the night, going over for Sunday dinners, or just celebrating birthdays and holidays together. It is sad that my kids won’t have many of those same memories of their early childhood. My son now asks for "ma-maw", but I’m sure that will stop when the frequency with which we see them greatly decreases.

Of course we would try to get out to DC at least once during those four years, but cost is an issue as is getting me on a plane. The thought of flying sends me into a literal panic attack or causes me to start hyperventilating. I would have to be seriously liquored up or drugged out on Dramamine, neither of which is very conducive to travelling with small children. I am petrified of flying and driving for 3 days to get there holds very little appeal.

We haven’t even brought up the subject to our daughter because she doesn’t even like it when my parents are out of town for vacation for very long. She spends the entire time asking my husband and me when grandma and grandpa are coming back and when we can go see them. We are secretly (or maybe not so secretly now) praying that the organization he would be working for might magically cease to exist in the next few months (fat chance) or hoping that my dad will realize that beyond the prestige of the position the actual logistics of such a move might not be that easy or beneficial.

So, I want to hear the dynamics of the relationship you had with your grandparents or your children had with theirs. Did you/they live close by? Did you/they see each other often? Do you/they think it makes a difference?