Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Who Need Sleep

I have a long history of trouble sleeping: restlessness, insomnia, restless leg syndrome, night terrors, sleep walking, talking in my sleep. Yeah, I know. I'm a bit messed up. My freshman year of college, second month at school, my grandfather died and the insomnia was exacerbated. I wouldn't sleep for days, sometimes weeks, at a time. Needless to say this wasn't that conducive to a rigorous class schedule, combined with the demands of being a college athlete. I was a walking zombie and it wasn't until well into my sophomore year that my sleeping became a bit more regular.

Ever since, this insomnia is triggered, every once in a while.....sometimes for no real apparent reason. A few weeks ago I began suffering from this again. I am miserable. I am so unbelievably tired all the time and simply cannot sleep. I am barely making it through the day which isn't ideal with two small children. Everyday around 2 pm I become so tired that I could literally collapse. Unfortunately, I can't just leave my children to run wild, so I fight through it, sometimes miserably and then plan to go to bed at a reasonable time.

That reasonable time comes and I toss and turn, sometimes for hours, until I just give up. My head pounds, my eyes burn, it takes incredible effort at times to even find the energy to speak when that time of day hits where I literally feel like all systems are shutting down.

I can't take anything because I am still breastfeeding and frankly I'm not a fan of taking medication to help me sleep. I did it a few years back and just felt so groggy all the time that it really wasn't worth it to me to get knocked out for a few hours and still not feel refreshed.

There's not a real point to this disclosure of information other than to say that I am tired beyond exhaustion, that is part of the reason some of the writing has been light, and that I am hoping and praying for sleep.

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