Lesson for the Day: It's Okay to Strangle a Classmate. The Principal Says So.

Something I have really worked hard on over the past couple of years is not making decisions when I am angry. In the past, something would happen to upset me and I'd make a decision while in the thick of things and often come to regret that decision later when the smoke cleared. My hasty decision-making when angry was such a deviation from my normal process. I am very calculated. I think things through, weigh the options, never rush decisions of importance, and basically drive my husband insane trying to talk through every possible scenario.

This struggle of mine, trying not to make decisions when upset, has never been more important than when my daughter started school. I taught for 6 years so when something happens at school I always try to give the teacher and the school in general the benefit of the doubt. I realize, from my own experience, that the perception of events often clouds the reality. With that in mind, anything that seemed iffy I would get clarification from the involved parties before getting upset or making a point of things.

Our daughter had a pretty awesome, uneventful Kindergarten year. She also has had a pretty good 1st grade year as well. There have been some incidents on the playground where she has ended up hurt. We realize that kids are kids and sometimes an inadvertent byproduct of horseplay is injury and we aren't bothered by that. It is part of childhood. However, lately there have been a couple instances of physical violence that go well beyond just kids being kids. We addressed these concerns with the teacher who assured us they were being handled and addressed. We assumed, since it is in the handbook this way, that these instances were being brought to the attention of the administration and not just being handled at a classroom level. We were incorrect in that assumption.

When I picked my daughter up from school on Monday she had red marks around her neck. She came through the gates and told me that a boy had placed his hands around her neck and squeezed. The aide on the playground saw this and apparently wrote him up -- although it hadn't made its way up to the office by the end of the day. Nobody at the school called to notify me of this. I went and found the teacher who tried to dismiss it as two kids playing, getting a little rough, and as a result she ended up hurt. She tried this tact earlier in the year with another incident and basically it took every ounce of self-control not to lose it at that moment. When I get really, really mad I become singularly focused and steely. I don't raise my voice, I don't rant and rave. There is almost this incredible calm that comes over me, which is probably a good thing. We went to the principal who had never even heard of any prior incidents of violence in which our daughter was injured. She was pretty flip and cavalier about the whole thing until I mentioned the number of times there have been outbursts like this. She looked genuinely surprised and I think at that point she was like, "Oh shit, my staff isn't following protocol."

My husband drafted an email expressing his concerns about our daughter's personal safety. The response we got from the principal is flabbergasting. Without even talking to our daughter, a student who has never been in trouble, she took the word of a kid who is on his third school this year and is regularly in trouble when he said it was an accident. Pardon my language but how the fuck is strangling my kid an accident? According to district policy his punishment should have been an automatic short-term suspension. This is his second violation that I know of. He could have more. Instead he received a conference with his mom and principal.

I took her to the doctor yesterday, The boy squeezed so hard she has a contusion on her vocal chords. We submitted this paperwork to the principal who then had the nerve to suggest our daughter did this to herself because the teacher claimed she was squeezing her neck after it happened. She apparently couldn't have possibly been rubbing it because she had just been strangled.

There has been a lot of back and forth since and the only thing the principal has convinced me of is that she is far more concerned with protecting the next Jared Loughner than she is in protecting and ensuring the safety of my daughter.

My initial reaction is to pull her immediately from the school. Logic prevailed for the moment and she returned today. I did, however, fill out open enrollment forms today for next year in case this situation or ones like it aren't resolved to our satisfaction. While I believe this boy needs to be held accountable I believe more strongly that the school does. They are charged with ensuring the safety of my child for 6 hours a day and not only do I question their ability to do this I now question their desire. If, as the principal, she does not mete out a consequence severe enough to deter future outbursts than what impetus does this child have to change? He has just been taught that he can strangle a classmate and get away with it. Great lesson.

Redshirting The Boy

So, I have written about this in the past (I also realize I meant to write NHL, not NFL....duh!). Since writing that post we made a decision, revisited that decision, and then made a different decision of which I now feel was the right decision.

A few months ago we decided we were going to have our son start Kindergarten this August. He'd be young for his grade, but he really wanted to go and academically we felt he would be okay. I didn't feel overly confident in this decision. I don't worry that he'd have any problem in Kindergarten but I did worry that maybe those little gaps of immaturity or those little gaps of being super sensitive will become bigger gaps when he reaches 1st and 2nd grade. At that point it becomes difficult to slow the train down, so to speak. I talked with the teacher who would be his Kinder teacher. She thought he'd be fine to start, but also acknowledged that I know him best and generally speaking holding younger boys back a year is never a bad idea. I talked with mothers, my own included, who sent their young sons off to school and to this day regret it. My brother she sent to school young is now a successful lawyer in Chicago, so it's not like he was not successful, but both she and my brother think things were much harder on him than they had to be and truly believe much of those struggles could have been eliminated had he been given "the gift of a year."

The more people I talked to, the more I really became uncomfortable with our decision. The tipping point was when I called a friend from college. We went through the College of Education together and she taught elementary for a number of years before opening her own pre-school. She gave me a host of reasons why giving the "gift of a year" is a good idea. The two that stuck with me were 1). She is more concerned with where students start emotionally than academically. You can always catch a kid up academically. You can tutor them, etc. You cannot teach or tutor maturity.2). You can only give this gift of a year one time. Once you start them in school there is not really any turning back. Sure, kids can get held back or just press on and struggle. But you only get to truly decide for them ONCE and what is the rush to start them?

Once my husband and I came to realize holding him back a year would likely be best and I verbalized that, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. There was instant relief. It was like I had been holding my breath all this time and I could finally exhale.

So, we are going to do half-day preschool instead to get him used to school and give him an extra year to mature a bit. I realize our decision isn't right for everyone and some people even feel kids shouldn't be held back under any circumstance, but it is what is right for our son in this particular instance and I couldn't feel any better about this decision.

The Conclusion of Fall Break

My dear daughter has had the week off school for Fall Break. It has been glorious. I love having her home. Even thought she is in the midst of her second year in school (and loves it) I miss her terribly each and every day that I have to send her to school. It is not a feeling that has subsided as the days have passed. The thought of sending my little man off to Kinder next year is enough to render me inconsolable for at least ten years. But that's another story for another day.

This week has just been a fun week of spending time together. Last weekend to start her break she had a birthday party for a classmate, which was a lot of fun for her. The next day my husband and I took our kids and my almost 6 year old niece down to the University of Arizona and then out to dinner. It was a wonderful day and evening and the kids had a great time being together. My husband was off Monday so I loaded the day with doctors appointments: dentist visits for the kids and flu shots for me and the hubby. The kids got to spend some time at their great-grandma's house, which they (and she) love. My daughter also got to spend the night with the aforementioned cousin, and then today we had my nephew's 4th birthday party. My dad is also in from DC so they were able to spend some time with him as well. Tomorrow I am going to take the older two kids to see Dolphin Tale.

I am really sad to see this week come to an end. I love having our daughter home during the day and I really, truly miss her when she is gone. So, I am glad we had such a great week to spend together.

A Note to My Daughter's School

Dear School Personnel,

Please take care of my baby this year. Be kind, compassionate, challenging, and fair. Foster her love of learning and her love of school in general. Encourage her inquisitiveness. Protect her, care for her, demand her best and be a good example. Most of all, treat her as if she were your own.

Love,

Her Mother

It Takes a Village.....Part Deux

After this experience my husband and I talked at length about our main points of contention, which were primarily the time, place, and tone of the conversation and that is what we wanted conveyed to the principal. She was very responsive. She, of course, tried (albeit not very hard) to defend the secretary, but also acknowledged that the time and place were not appropriate and the tone was questionable as well. As far as the medical records go she said the only time the school generally requests documentation is when there is a long term absence (she defined long term as 30 to 40 absences which we are NO WHERE close to) due to a medical reason OR if multiple absences are affecting student performance. She acknowledged neither was the case in our situation so she seemed a bit dumbfounded as to why we were asked for this type of documentation.

The "funny" thing about educators is they (we) are always trying to explain how our system works to people outside of the education system. I understand why they (we) do that; it's because there are a lot more complexities to the inner workings, funding, budgets than people realize or politicians want to admit and acknowledge. However, I always find it funny when educators try to explain these inner workings to other educators, as is the case with me and my husband....not that she necessarily knew that.

Not truly pertinent to the story but a little funny was when she started to explain the role of the attendance clerk (which the receptionist doubles as...essentially pulling calls off the attendance hotline and recording the absences in the computer). My husband stopped her (politely) and just said, "My wife and I have both worked in many school districts as teachers so we are well aware the role of the attendance clerk. However, at no school we have ever been employed has the attendance clerk confronted a parent in the front office in front of other parents. Are you saying that here in (School District name redacted) School District the role of the attendance clerk is to confront parents publicly?" The principal reluctantly acknowledged that no, that was not the appropriate way to handle it.

She also began to explain the budgetary importance of attendance. Schools receive money based on how many students attend on any given day. When students are absent the school loses money. So, she began explaining that. My husband's counter to that was that in the state of Arizona school attendance isn't mandatory until a child is six years old. Our daughter is five. She is not required to be in school at all. Further, Kindergarten isn't mandatory in the state of Arizona. Again, she is not required to attend any school, so any money they receive from her attendance is gravy and should be viewed as such (according to my husband in his point to her). The principal had to reluctantly acknowledge this as fact as well.

Overall, we made sure to state that as a whole we were very pleased with the school. We wanted her to know we were happy with our daughter's teacher, the school culture and "feel", and that our daughter loved coming to school as well. So, while there were a couple of "moments" of differing opinions, she did understand where we were coming from and was responsive to those concerns. And having worked in schools and seen different principals interact with parents, this isn't always a given. There are principals who have very contentious relationships with parents and who don't validate or address their concerns. That really only breeds resentment and distrust. I can honestly say that despite little things here and there that irk me, the principal has always been responsive and does promptly address parental concerns while simultaneously defending her employees (as much as she reasonably can). Having been on both sides of that I know it is a balancing act. However, having worked for a principal who routinely threw teachers under the bus, myself included, in disputes with parents it was refreshing to see that while she understood our point, she also tried to make us understand the receptionists point as well, even though in the end we still didn't agree with it at all.

It May Take a Village, But Sometimes the Villagers Need to Mind Their Own Business

My older daughter, who is in Kindergarten, is a pretty healthy kid. Or at least was until she started school. She has been sick more times this school year than in her previous five years of life combined. In fact our pediatrician even made a comment to the effect of "I've seen her more this year than I have ever before." I know much of that comes with the territory of starting school and having a wider range of exposure, coupled with kids who are visibly sick who are sent to school when they clearly should be kept home. As a result waves of illness have rippled through our house almost all year long. So, our daughter has had some absences, not more than the 10 percent of total school days allowed by state law but we are cutting it close.

Today my daughter had a half day. I scheduled a dentist appointment pretty close to dismissal time so I went in to grab our daughter 10 minutes early (the Kindergarten students line up at 10 till anyway). As I was waiting for her to come up to the office, the school receptionist, and her position is important to my story, the RECEPTIONIST, not the principal, teacher, or even principal's secretary, but the RECEPTIONIST says, "Your daughter has had a lot of absences." She says this in the front office, where other parents are also waiting and listening. The following is an almost verbatim exchange (I began recording the conversation after the initial sentence because I was so angry).

Me: "Yes, she has unfortunately been sick a lot this year."

Her: "Yes, but she's had a lot. Most of them sick and some personal" (For the record, she missed three days when she stayed with m parents when I gave birth to our third child and the others were illness related, all of which I have documentation to support if I felt it necessary to provide).

Me: "Well, she has been sick more this year than she has been in her previous five years combined. I don't know what I can really do about that."

Her: "You're not concerned about her absences?"

Me: "No, she is doing fine in class and her teacher is not concerned about her progress so I am not concerned."

Her: "So you don't think attendance is important?"

Me: "I didn't say that. What I said was I am not concerned with her progress as her absences are not negatively impacting her performance."

Her: "You never took her to the doctor any of those times?"

Me: "Yes, I took her to the doctor for most of them. She was in the hospital at one point."

Her: "Well, can you bring in documentation to support that? You know to prove that they were medical absences?"

Me: "I don't feel that I am obligated to provide you with my daughter's medical records to support or justify parental decisions that my husband and I made in regards to the care of our daughter."

Her: "Well, if you had them they would support the absences."

Me: "Well, in the state of Arizona Kindergarten isn't even mandatory so I see no reason to provide medical documentation to excuse absences from something that isn't even mandated."

Her: "But don't you think that her attendance at school is important?"

Me: "Yes, but it is what it is. She has been sick. We appear to be one of the few families who actually keeps our sick kids home. I resent sending my kid to school and having her constantly ill, then spreading that through the rest of my family, because students who are clearly ill are not only sent to school by their parents but then allowed to stay here by the staff who can clearly see they are ill. I further resent being publicly questioned about the legitimacy of my daughter's absences. She is doing well in school and that is the bottom line. If her teacher isn't concerned I find it suspect that you are."

Her: "Well, it's just my job to let you know."

At that point my daughter had arrived and we left. I have multiple points of contention with this interaction. First, we just got my daughter's 3rd quarter report card yesterday. She received the highest marks possible in EVERY SINGLE category. She is clearly doing fine academically and socially. Additionally there is a spot on the report card that says, "Do absences or tardies affect performance?" Her teacher answered, "No." Secondly, the school has half days today and Friday for parent conferences. We received a note last week from her teacher stating that our daughter is doing well and the teacher has no concerned and thus doesn't deem a conference to be necessary, but we could request one if we had concerns. We declined. Along those lines I volunteer in my daughter's class once a week. I am present and involved and the receptionist knows this. Generally speaking, the kids who miss for less than legitimate reasons usually don't have parents actively involved at the school. It is also worth mentioning that her teacher has never once mentioned any concerns about our daughter and she and I have a great relationship. If she had concerns she would have absolutely mentioned it.

I am further bothered by the fact that the receptionist broached this topic with me at all, but additionally chose to do it publicly where the other parents in the office were privy to personal health information about my daughter as well as the contentious discussion between myself and the receptionist. I also have serious doubts about whether her job description entails confronting parents at the front desk about their children's attendance. The thing that she doesn't know is that my husband and I are both educators. We absolutely understand the importance of attendance and how vital that is to educational success. However, I don't know what the options are when our daughter was sick as often as she was (and I'm not talking colds; I'm talking Influenza A, Norwalk virus, Sinusitis, Bronchitis, and other viruses that caused very high fevers). Further, I don't understand why one would choose to make a point about it when she knows nothing about our child's academic progress. It would be one thing if her academics were suffering as a result, but they aren't and she doesn't know that because she isn't privy to that information which further calls into question why she is having this conversation with me. No other staff member has ever expressed any concerns about her absences. This includes the teacher and the principal and it includes the receptionist. If it really were her job then why did she wait until a chance encounter in the front office to broach the subject with me? If it really were her job why hasn't she called me before? She had no idea I was coming into the office today. She obviously looked at my daughter's absences in the computer when I signed her out and chose to make a point of it.

I just don't think that in any scenario it is the job of the receptionist to confront a parent about the cause of absences, especially in the presence of other parents. I find it to be beyond inappropriate and unprofessional to further question the medical necessity of such absences.

When I got home I pulled all the documentation from her doctor supporting each absence. I don't feel like I am under any obligation to provide this to the school and at this point because I am so angry I feel like I want to refuse simply out of principle. However, the other part of me wants to take them in and smack them down on the desk in front of her face and yell, "How do ya like them apples?"

I called my husband and told him the exchange and asked what he thought. He was just as upset and called the Principal immediately who agreed to meet with him tomorrow. I don't want to make a huge deal but I do want the principal to know that the receptionist crossed a line. My husband and I overall have been really pleased with our experience at this school. Our daughter's teacher is great, the principal is visible and consistently responsive, and our daughter LOVES school. Which irks me all the more that someone who is not even directly involved with my child's education is the cause of this sour feeling.

So, I'm interested in your opinion. Are we overreacting? How would you have responded if you were confronted in such a manner?

Flu

We have been a den of sickness 'round these parts since Thanksgiving. It's been one illness after the other, all relatively minor but lasting. Then our older daughter, who is regularly pretty healthy, became really sick a couple of weeks ago. She seemed to get better for a day or two but then got slammed with a really high fever, congestion, sore throat, chills, cough, the whole nine yards! We ended up in Urgent Care today where she tested positive for the flu (Yes, we got a flu shot months ago). So, Tamiflu has been prescribed to the whole family, except that I can't take it because I am breastfeeding and there is nothing safe for our 4 month old so we are just crossing our fingers and praying she gets through this unscathed. It is scary how sick our older daughter has become and how quickly it has happened!

The thing is....I realize people get sick. People can catch germs anywhere: grocery store, library, school, out in public anywhere really. However, I volunteer relatively regularly at my daughter's school and the number of children sent to school sick is high. The school policy is such that a child should stay home if he/she has a fever or any other visible signs of illness outside of minor sniffles. Apparently, I am one of the few parents who actually follows this rule. Each time I have been on that campus and in my daughter's classroom in particular there have been kids with green snot literally dripping out their nose. Last Thursday there was a child sooo sick in her class that when I came home I told my husband that I knew, KNEW, our daughter would be sick within days. (This child sits next to my daughter and was picking his green snot and then reaching into the community supplies that my daughter then used as well). She was sick by Saturday.

My frustration with this is two-fold. First, parents! What the hell are you doing sending your sick kids to school? Second, school officials! Why the hell don't/won't you send them home? I resent the fact that I go to great lengths to make sure I don't send a contagious kid to school and yet I feel like every time I send my healthy child to school I am sending her into a petri dish.

MLK, Jr. Goes to South Park

Our daughter, who is in Kindergarten, came home from School on Friday with this picture. She made it in class and was incredibly proud as she explained, "Martin Luther King Jr. is a Jr. because his dad was named Martin Luther King. He's important because he said that people look different on the outside but we're all the same on the inside. And he had a wish (I think she meant a dream). So, I made this picture. He's really considered black but he looks kinda brownish so I used brown paper. Plus if I used black, his suit is black too, and you wouldn't be able to really see him."

My husband says it looks like a South Park character. Since he has said that neither one of us can stop laughing (only when aforementioned daughter is well out of ear shot).

So what do you think? South Park?

Greasy Center Mom

I volunteered in my daughter's Kindergarten class today. Those kids are a crack-up. When I got there they were about to say the Pledge of Allegiance. The "Pledge Leader" takes his (a boy was this week's pledge leader) job very seriously and you can tell all the other kids do too as they give him his proper respect as he begins.

______

Last night as we were driving home I told my husband I needed to shower so I wouldn't have to do it in the morning. Our daughter says, "Yeah, you don't want to be a greasy 'Center Mom'." True dat! So I took my non-greasy self to her school this morning to help out and hang out with the kiddies.

One little girl tells me that she is going to go to Disneyland once her mom graduates from college. Then quickly says, "But that'll never happen. She has HUNDREDS of days left." Another kid was trying to say "I know who your daughter is" but kept tripping up on her words so she finally said, "I know who your sweetheart is."

A little boy had to hold my hand the entire time I read to him and then patted my hand when I was finished. Like I'd done an adequate job for him. :)

_____

I'm trying to get in the classroom once a week. It's hard with an infant who is breastfed because I can't be gone for too long and having someone to care for her is inconsistent. But I am glad I got to go today and the look on my daughter's face and the million hugs and kisses I got when I arrived and left was sooooo worth it.

Times are A'Changin'

Our daughter starts Kindergarten in a week. She is thrilled as can be and there is no doubt she is ready, but I am a nervous wreck. I don't want to send her off into this world where I can't see her and shield her and protect her. Just the thought of dropping her off on her first day has been giving me serious anxiety. Yesterday we went school supply shopping. Since we live in a state that doesn't value education and the budgets have been slashed we got a list PAGES long for supplies for not only our own kids but other kids in the class and teacher supplies. Lovely. anyway, that mission is accomplished, she has school clothes and once I get her new tennis shoes she will be set.

When my husband and I first moved here we took into consideration the school district and the particular schools our future children would be zoned to attend. A year ago we got rezoned. Either elementary school would be fine; they are both good schools but we were partial to the previous school for a couple of reasons. So, we applied for a variance and crossed our fingers. We were set on her attending this school. Then we found out they were having a large Kindergarten class and they would be unlikely to approve any open enrollment kids, of which our daughter is one, so we started getting ourselves used to the idea that she'd attend the school in which we are zoned.

For someone like me who plans out everything far in advance the not knowing has been killing me all summer. We were supposed to find out by this past Monday if she would be approved. When we called they hadn't made a decision about open enrollment until they finalized numbers for those kids who actually lived within the boundaries. Then today I got a call from the Principal who said that he was hoping to get approval for another Kindergarten class at which point our daughter would be approved and then that would significantly drop the class size to even smaller than the other school. But he won't know for sure until Monday. She starts the following Monday. Can I just say that I am stressed.

On top of that I am hot, very pregnant, and HOT!!! I have 30 days until this baby is born and it just feels like there are so many changes happening all at once. Any good, calming vibes you could send my way would be appreciated.

Public or Private?

There is a school affiliated with the the church I have attended all my life. I attended there for grades K-8 and received a great education. I attended a public high school and received a wonderful education there as well. Over the past couple of years enrollment has sharply declined, yet cost of enrollment has gone up (to compensate for the money lost by those leaving the school). Class size has always been small with, on average, ten to fifteen students a grade. My 8th grade graduating class was a class of nine. However, in the seventh and eighth grades combined there are five students this year. Where in years past there was a waiting list, this year there is a plethora of available seats. The total school for all nine grades has seventy-two students. To say the school is in crisis is an understatement. One of the options that is on the table is combining more than two grade levels in a singular classroom (currently K is alone as is 1st grade and second grade, third and fourth are combined, fifth and sixth are combined, and seventh and eighth are combined and even with the combined grades no classroom has more than fifteen students). To me this just does not seem like a wise move beyond the financial reasons. Combining second, third, and fourth, or fourth, fifth, and sixth or any other combination raises a couple of concerns.

First, there is a big age difference between a second and fourth grader. While only two numerical years separate those grades there is a vast divide when it comes to maturity and social development. I think it is a great disservice and potentially harmful for students to be shoved into a classroom with those that aren't technically their peers. My other concern is that now one teacher is responsible for teaching all subjects to three grade levels instead of one to two grade levels. Obviously, those kids are getting short-changed somewhere. In the time the teacher previously taught two grade levels, he/she now needs to teach three grade levels. I don't care how great of a teacher it is or how bright the students are something is falling by the wayside. Furthermore, one would now be paying the same price (or possibly more, if tuition yet again increases) for less instructional time. Eight hours of the day are now divided by three instead of one or two as they had been in the past.

By comparison, the public school system already has large class sizes. With our state proposing more budget cuts in education the chance that class sizes will again increase isn't just a possibility but a strong likelihood. While large class sizes at the high school level don't concern me as much, class sizes in the younger, formidable ages concerns me greatly. I don't want my daughter (who begins Kinder next year) to be one of thirty-five or forty kids and that is now a possibility. So, while the class size, even with three grade levels, would be considerably smaller at the parochial school the larger public classroom would at least have one to two teachers teaching the same grade level all day and not trying to divide his/her time between multiple levels. Plus, it's free.

While the parochial school has always been a possibility my husband and I decided months ago we would send her to the local public school and while I still feel confident in this decisions and feel that ultimately she would receive a better education, become more well-rounded, and be able to participate in more extracurriculars, I am waiting on the edge of my seat to see what happens to the class sizes as our state tries to deal with our budget crisis. On the flip side, cost is the primary concern of sending her to the parochial school along with what we feel to be an inferior gifted program, not as clear of a curriculum, and growing concern about class size (although on the opposite end of the spectrum....classes too small and being boosted in numbers by combining many grades). If this trend keeps up, it won't be long before it is a single room school house reminiscent of a time long since passed.

What are/were some of your concerns when it came to your children and education. Did they attend private, public or parochial schools? What led you to those decisions?

The Hands of Time......Please Turn them Back

In three months I'll be 32. THIRTY-TWO!!! There are days, like today, where I wonder where the time went. It has gone by way too quickly. The cruel twist is that I look like I'm 21 and feel like I'm 25. Yet, the birth certificate doesn't lie. I'm in my thirties.

Tonight I was sitting here thinking about my daughter going off to school next year and quite a bit of panic set in. Then I started visualizing her in first grade, then second, and third.....my mind kept going to where I envisioned myself going to pick her up from 8th grade and I'll be 40! That seems so far away but really it's not. It seems like just yesterday I was 20. Aside from the husband, job, and a couple of kids I feel pretty much the same. So, I started thinking about what I'll look like (will I have any gray hair?), what I'd be wearing (can you still get away with gym shorts at 40?), what would my kids be like, what would my husband look like (who at that point would be 43). That led to 50, then 60. I can't say that these thoughts were met with excitement.

I just wish time would slow the heck down. I love my children at this age. I'd keep them home with me forever if I could. I love having all this time to spend with them, when the biggest influence on them is me. I know once they are older and in school that won't always be the case. Their teachers will spend eight hours a day with them, their coaches maybe two or three. Where does that leave me? A few hours for dinner and before bed. Sorry, but that's not enough.

I loved school. All of it. I loved grade school (except part of first grade and most of seventh), high school, and college. In fact I'd do any and all of it over again. I hope my children have that same wonderful experience and I would never want to deprive them of that or do anything to take away from that. But the selfish, protective mama cub wants to curl up with her babies and stop the hands of time from moving forward. Because I know that with each year that they age, I'll age too and the next thing I know my kids will be married with children of their own and I'll be a grandma.

Can grandma's still wear gym shorts?

The truth is that as long as I look young, feel young, and act young I still think I am young. The reality is that I am not that young anymore. It's strange to wake up one day and realize that you aren't considered a young adult anymore, that you have jumped an age bracket. I'm sure I've matured and grown in ways that I don't realize but to me I feel like someone much younger than the date on my driver's license states.

Anyone else have these feelings?

The Joys of Teaching

One of the things you learn fairly early on in your career as a teacher is to not expect a lot of appreciation from either parents or students. I suppose nobody goes into teaching for the money or fame, anyways. However, one of the nicest compliments, in my opinion, is when a student thanks you or otherwise expresses his/her appreciation for what you have done. Over the years I have had former students thank me for helping them, believing in them, being patient with them, teaching them, showing them a real world application to my lessons, giving them boundaries, setting high standards and then holding them to them, and the like. The majority of the time these words of thanks come years after graduation, when they realize everything I demanded or encouraged was in preparation for life outside of high school, whether it be college, the work force, a trade school, or the military.

It has been four years since I quit teaching to stay home with my children and people ask me all the time if I miss it and/or if I will return. I loved teaching. I loved being in the classroom with the kids, interacting with them, challenging them, seeing the "light go on" as they grasped a concept for the first time. If my day consisted of solely teaching my job would have been wonderful. Unfortunately, it is the political bull and hoop jumping that sucked the joy out of teaching for me. Towards the end it seemed like it was less and less about the kids and actual learning and retention and more and more about test scores and appeasing disgruntled parents.

Over the years I have kept in touch with a handful of students and former athletes that played for me. Many of them were students my first and second year teaching when I was only 23 and they were 18. The age difference was not that great and so I had to "lay down the law" so they understood there was a boundary. Much to my surprise I found that "attitude" really worked and with clear boundaries and expectations kids stayed within those boundaries and met those expectations. Now, many of these first students are 25 or 26 years old and the dynamic of the relationships have changed. I've veered off topic a bit....

Anyway, a former student who was a senior in one of my English classes in 2003 "friended" me on Facebook the other day. He was a kid I really liked, but who other teachers labeled difficult. They thought he was lazy, had an attitude problem, and was generally a lost cause. I made it a point to never base my feelings of a student on what other teachers said and I didn't with him either. The first few weeks all of what these teachers had said was true. However, for some reason he and I connected. I kept on him, called him at home and woke him up when he ditched my class (which was first period), demanded he participate, kept on him about work he owed me. Basically, I drove him crazy and held him to a standard that no other teacher had apparently held him to. I didn't really think much of it because I did this with all my students. I expected a lot and more often than not students rose to meet those expectations. Second semester he had a free period and he asked to be my aide. I agreed. During the time when he was running copies for me or cleaning the classroom we would chat just about general things, mostly music which he and I both loved. I also had him use that time to make sure his work from other classes was done, had him organize each class into binders, made him clean out his backpack...just things that seem like common sense but that a lot of highschoolers don't do.

He graduated, I got five new classes of 30 + students, and years passed. Until yesterday when I get this incredibly touching note from him about how there are very few things or teachers he remembers positively about high school, but that I was one of them, as was my English class. He then thanked me for teaching him so much, not just about English but about life in general, and said that I was the only reason he actually ended up graduating on time. He said I was the first teacher who held him to such a high standard and demanded that he reach it and that he appreciated my "no bullshit, no excuse" attitude when it came to school work, education, and behavior. One of my non-negotiable policies was that I never accepted late work. There were no exceptions. This was always a point of contention as other teachers would accept it for reduced credit. My reasoning was that it is rare that any college professor will accept work late and even more rare that your boss will accept half-baked excuses for missing a deadline. He pleaded with me on more than one occasion to accept his work that was a day to weeks late. The answer was always NO. In this note he apologizes for "hassling me" about the "late work stuff" and says somewhat unbelievably that his college professors won't accept late work either and that his boss made him stay late to finish a job because it had to be ready to go the next morning. He seemed dumbfounded that my reasoning was actually based on what goes on in the "real world."

Honestly, it was one of the most touching things I have had said to me in a professional sense. I think part of the reason was because of the source; I would not have expected this from him. I was also happy to learn that he was gainfully employed and had gone back to college to finish his degree.

When I think about returning to teaching I am truly undecided. I know I was good at my job and that my students learned a lot, but I sometimes wonder if that is really enough or if any of that really makes a difference. When I hear things like this from students years later it really exemplifies all that is right with education. Lord knows there is plenty wrong with it, whether it be public, private, parochial, charter, alternative, or home school. It makes me think that maybe I really do belong in a classroom and that maybe students are getting a lot more out of it than any of us are giving them credit for.

Jitters?

Sometime last year our then three year old daughter started telling us she wanted to go to preschool. It was too late to start here then so we planned/plan to send her this August since she just turned 4. She talked about "her" preschool for six months or more. I signed her up for only two days a week at a preschool affiliated with a church right down the street from our house. It seemed ideal. Then about a month ago she started telling us that she didn't want to go anymore. We didn't make a big deal about it and decided we'd just wait it out and see if that changed. It hasn't.

For weeks now, almost on a daily basis, she tells us that she changed her mind and just wants to stay home and do her dance class. Here's where I am torn. My husband and I don't care if she goes or not. We thought it was something she wanted, which is why she was enrolled. Personally, I figure since I am home with the kids it doesn't really affect me one way or the other. If she wants to go, great; if not, I am okay with that too. However, part of me thinks I should at least have her try it as more than likely she'll end up enjoying it. The other part of me doesn't want to force this. (I had an incredibly traumatic preschool experience as a child and to this day my mom claims that making me "tough it out" for a few months was one of the biggest mistakes she made).

I'm feeling pressure because we have a parent meeting coming up in about a week and a half and then orientation a week after that. I need to let the director know one way or the other and probably pretty soon. She is adamant though that she does not want to go, but would rather I continue to "teach" her at home.

What would you do?

The Death of Critical Thinking

Each year one of the units I taught in my Junior and Senior English classes was a Speech and Debate unit. I would have students draw teams, draw topics, and draw sides to those topics. Inevitably, there would be some students "stuck" on the side of an issue with which they personally disagreed. Abortion, Immigration Reform, and Parental Consent for Birth Control were always the topics that elicited the strongest reactions.

I always began by explaining the research process. I would walk them through the importance of finding statistics and facts to support their position and also to start anticipating what the opposing side would use for support and then finding evidence or information to refute that. Without fail I would have a handful of students that would say, "But I don't believe that. I can't argue that. That is not what I really think." I would explain that part of being an effective communicator is being able to "see" the other side and whether you agree with it or not at least be able to acknowledge that there is another side and try to understand what the reasoning for that belief is. With that I would require them to find information that "the other side" might use to help support their cause or beliefs.

Some of the best persuasive arguments were done by students who were able to separate their personal feelings or biases toward a subject and focus solely on the facts of the issue at hand. Or by those who were able to channel the passion they personally felt into truly trying to understand the other side and doggedly trying to find information that someone on that side might use to explain his/her beliefs. It would always amaze me how passionate pro-life students could argue effortlessly and convincingly for pro-choice legislation. It stunned me when a Hispanic student, one whom I knew was not in our country legally, argued solidly for the deportation of all illegal aliens. While arguing for the other side rarely changed their personal views it at least made them realize that people who had views different from their own weren't these evil, ignorant people that they were made out to be by many of their like-minded peers. They were people just like them who took information, much of it the same information, but simply interpreted it differently, maybe saw shades of grey where they only saw black or white, and felt just as passionately that they were right.

I loved teaching this unit because it encouraged critical thinking skills. It forced them to be able to find information that defended the position they were charged with supporting. It made them think about what the "other side" would use for support and in so doing made them think two steps ahead and find information to refute those claims. Talk about seeing and having to understand an issue from all sides. Beyond that, the sheer research and organization of information and then being able to articulate all that information in a concise, coherent manner requires critical thinking skills that many simply do not have because they have never been forced to use them.

Of course there was an elaborate Rubric that I used to grade them. The one "rule" I always had, year after year, issue after issue was that there were to be no personal attacks. Never. A violation of this rule would result in a serious loss of points, enough to potentially lower their score two to three letter grades. I wanted the focus to be solely on the issue, never the person. They were to attack flaws or misrepresentations in the other side's facts and statistics. They were to point out examples of faulty reasoning. They were to attack holes in the information the other side presented, but under no circumstance was there to be name calling. There was to be no condemnation of those on the other side. I reiterated constantly that we debate the issues, not the people. Only once in six years did someone break that rule and get docked because of it. Once. These are high school kids I am talking about. By definition they are kids which means they are impulsive and sometimes lack judgment. Yet, year after year they sat in my classroom and argued issues without attacking or name calling.

At the end of this unit I always came away so impressed with the level of commitment they displayed and the seriousness with which they took this task. Kids were pushed out of their comfort zones, forced to think outside the box, and each year most of them exceeded all expectations. When I think about teaching this is one of the things I truly miss.

You may be asking at this point what this story has to do with anything. For starters, the fact that a lot of the general population lacks crucial critical thinking skills. In the absence of knowledge, ignorance breeds. Those who can't rationally and logically defend themselves result to name-calling and personal attacks and this leads to a further breakdown of critical thinking skills. In my personal life I like to surround myself with a variety of people who think differently, believe differently, act differently, and in general are just different than myself. Sure, I have many like-minded friends and family members whose company and discussions I cherish and enjoy. In the same vein I don't feel that my way of life is being threatened if others believe differently than I do. I acknowledge that they can be just as passionate about their ideas and beliefs as I am mine without it being an assault on my morals, values, and ideals.

I mentioned before my frustration with the constant political debates that we are bombarded with. My problem with them is that very few of them focus on the issues. Almost all of them attack the people holding these beliefs. Sadly, many are incapable of differentiating between the person and the idea. They assume that because they believe one way and that one way is different from the way someone else believes then the person who has that different belief is bad, evil, wrong, a threat, and the list goes on and on and on. If discussions on politics remained about the actual issues at hand, much like I demanded in my classroom, instead of resorting to name calling and accusations it would be a different story. But to call someone you disagree with “evil” or “stupid” or “unwise” or the host of other insults heaped upon those who think or feel or believe differently is immature and quite frankly says more about them and their character than it does about the person they are attacking, not to mention that it does nothing to defend or support the issue they are trying to fight for.

Sadly, where most of this name calling is coming from is the religious-right. I am a Christian and so I say this cautiously, but I think Christianity would be much better served if it took the rule from my classroom and applied it to its daily dealings with those who differ politically and/or religiously from them. The relentless criticism and condemnation flies directly in the face of Christian principles and that bothers me immensely. While Christians used to be lumped into one category, "Christians" we now have the "religious right", Liberal Christians, Christian Democrats, yada yada and a hierarchy of holiness is being handed out by the "heads" of this religious right contingency and their minions.

I just wonder when the issues stopped being about the issues. It seemed sudden, like the flip of a light switch. I just wonder who deemed "The Right" the moral authority. I was recently told that I was an “unwise Christian” for voting for Obama. I was told this by someone who claims to be a Christian. I am proud to be a Christian and I take my faith very seriously. Part of how I interpret my faith is a general respect for all other faiths even ones that aren't my own. While I may not share your beliefs I respect your right to your beliefs. I don't take my vote lightly. I weigh ALL issues and unfortunately sometimes have to vote for a candidate that doesn't share ALL of my same beliefs but shares MORE of them than the other candidate. I would venture to say that this is true for most voters. I refuse to be a one or two issue voter. While my faith and beliefs help guide my decision about who to vote for I don't vote for who the majority of those in my religion believe I should vote for simply because I am a member of that religion.

So, while I am proud of my faith, when Christians attack other Christians and attempt to minimize or discredit their faith based on a belief that their ideas are wrong because they are not the exact same as theirs it embarrasses me. If this is the witness that non-believers see, if this is the glimpse of Christianity they are exposed to, why would anyone want to be a Christian? If all people see is the religious-right railing against those who care about the environment, railing against those who think a 14 year old girl who is raped should be able to abort that baby, railing against those who think our government shouldn't torture, and railing against those who want the education in this country funded appropriately, then what picture of Christianity are they getting? I doubt it's an image that is going to be sending them scurrying to the nearest church anytime soon. If I were not already a Christian, I have serious doubts that I would want to be one, based on what I have seen from the self-appointed “Moral Voice” in this country.

Feeling compelled to say any of this is upsetting to me and what really disturbs me is that the people who cry the loudest about Christianity being ruined or eliminated in this country are the ones who are doing the most to contribute to is extinction. It worries me that Christians are doing themselves a great disservice by making every issue a personal attack on one's character and one's Christianity. Mark Twain once said, “If Christ were here, there is one thing he would certainly not be – a Christian." I think there is a lot of truth to that statement. The Christ I know is a loving one, a forgiving one, and yes, when necessary a vengeful one. He has His rules and there are distinct consequences for breaking those rules, but anyone, Christian or not, who has read the Bible knows that he ate with tax-collectors (lowly and dishonest in Biblical times) and hung out with sinners, he washed his disciple's feet in an act of humility, he took care of the poor and needy, he be-friended and forgave prostitutes. So, why are his supposed present-day followers so quick to condemn the modern-day versions of those Biblical "sinners?"

For me, I can only hope that we as a nation and we as Christians or members of any religion can return to a healthy debate of the issues void of any personal attacks, name calling or character assassinations. I hope that Christianity isn't associated all over the world as a right-winged extremist religion that hates those who are different from them. We are raising our children Christian, to stand true to their convictions, to take a stand when things are wrong. However, we are also raising our kids to be kind, and compassionate, to understand that people are different and to respect those differences instead of condemn them, and most importantly to love and to forgive. Will it be enough? I hope so.

Growing Pains. Please Make Them Stop

When I became pregnant with my daughter my husband and I decided I would be staying home with her. I love being home with both of our children and while we have had to make a lot of sacrifices I am thankful to my husband for working his tail off in order to enable me to remain at home until our children are in school. That being said, there are days, or portions of days, like this morning, that I would give my right arm and possibly part of my left to actually get to leave my house and drive to a job outside of my home. A job that doesn't require me to to be at the beck and call of little people. Right arm, people! And I'm predominantly right handed.

Some of the issues today stemmed from an unexpected change of plans. Once my daughter has been told something is going to happen or we are going to go somewhere specific, it must happen or it throws her off. She gets this wonderful aversion to last minute planning and cancellations from me, which is usually why we hold off telling her about anything until it is an absolute certainty with no possibility of changing. Today's change in plans was unforeseen and while she handled it well initially I could tell she was not thrilled. I planned another activity in its place and this is where the breakdown occurred. New surroundings, lots of people, and a brother who, gasp, touched and dared tried to read her book.

There was crying, gnashing of teeth, general unhappiness and frustration by all involved. In the cross hairs is my happy, easy-going, flexible son wondering what the heck happened to his peaceful morning. What happened indeed? Part of me is very excited to be sending our daughter to preschool two mornings a week next year just so that I can have one on one time with my son. Then I realize how much I'll miss her and feel guilty for even thinking that.

This month has been rough, though. I'm told it is "growing pains" in which case I pray it ends soon. While our daughter continues to assert her independence, my husband and I continue to remind her of what is appropriate and acceptable behavior, mostly in regards to how she speaks to us. This past month she seems to have either forgotten or willfully ignores all she has been taught in the past 3 1/2 years. She is getting older and accordingly earns more privileges and responsibilities. Along with that, though, comes expectations of how we, as her parents, expect her to treat us and others. She pushes as far as she can to test those boundaries and then doesn't much like the consequences when she has pushed too far.

So, we will continue this battle of wills and hopefully ride out this emotional roller coaster. I am hoping, as with most things, this too is a phase that will pass. In the meantime I will console myself with thoughts of, "If it doesn't get better, I can always go back to work" or start consuming large quantities of alcohol each night to ease the pain.

Neurotic Mom of a PreSchooler

So, we got in! To preschool, that is. My daughter could not be more excited about it and while I am excited for her I am also nervous. I don't really know why. Maybe it is simply anxiety over the unknown. I know my daughter will love it. I can predict that after the first week she will be asking why I didn't sign her up for more days than just two a week and really I won't have a good answer other than "it was a feeling I had." My husband and I decided about 4 months ago we were going to send her to preschool. I called around and got all the information. Our options were 2, 3, or 5 days a week. My husband and I settled on three days a week.

Then came Sunday night. I tossed and turned and kept coming back to preschool. She wants to go, so I want her to go. But I couldn't help but feeling that 3 days was too much....for ME. I'm sure our daughter would be fine three days a week, but I started feeling too committed. What if I wanted to go to the zoo or the Children's Museum or a playgroup or a variety of other activities we do on a weekly basis? That leaves only two days for those things. (Are you sensing I'm a bit neurotic about this?) So, I woke up and told my husband about my misgivings. He said either two or three days would be fine, but that I should decide since I am the one home with them.

I was seriously torn. I stood in lining fretting the entire time and when I got up to the registration table I stuttered a bit before signing her up for 2 days. I am not sure if I made the right decision. I am hoping I did. I figure between those two days at school, a day possibly for ballet if we choose to continue, and possibly another day for karate that she wants to join those are a lot of activities.

So, until August 3 comes I will be anxious, constantly second guessing my decision. I know you, my internet friends, have kids in preschool. I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences, both good and bad.

School Bells Ringin'

Last year we contemplated enrolling our daughter in preschool primarily for the social interaction. She was adamantly opposed and since I don't really believe preschool is necessary for future educational success we opted to enroll her in a ballet and tap class instead. That, coupled with regular play dates, more than compensated for the previous lack of social exposure. Then I started going to the gym and leaving the kids in the Child Watch and she loved it. She made friends easily and looked forward to that each day.

So, my husband and I started thinking she may like preschool and revisited the idea. We had no idea how she would react so we brought it up cautiously to gauge her interest. To our surprise she insisted on going. So we took her and showed her around and she loved it. She now can't wait to turn four so she can go to school.

Truly, I am a little sad, but I am also really excited for her. She has blossomed so much socially in this past year that I am amazed. She loves other kids and makes friends with such ease that it is hard to believe that she is the same little girl that just a year ago wouldn't consider speaking to another child unless forced.

Come Monday, I will be standing in line bright and early trying to ensure my child a spot in a preschool class at a school that she loves. Because while I would love to be able to keep her home one more year, she has her heart set on going to "her" preschool. And because I am her mommy and love her dearly I want what she wants. Wish me luck.