What's Mine is Yours

My husband brought me flowers last night. When my daughter woke up this morning she saw them sitting on the table in a vase and got so excited thinking they were her flowers. I didn't have the heart to tell her they weren't for her. She's been thrilled all day talking about how her mommy and daddy bought her beautiful flowers.

Drive Thru Pizza

We don't eat out much and when we do we try to avoid places with a drive-thru. However, about once a month we order pizza. There are a couple places like Dominoes and Pizza Hut that deliver to our house, but the "good" stuff either doesn't deliver at all or doesn't deliver in our area. Which means I am usually toting the kids in and out of the car to pick up pizza. Frankly, it's a pain to load them up, unload them, then try to carry the pizzas and the kids back through the parking lot and into the car. It's a lot of work for pizza.

Which brings me to an idea. Why don't pizza places have a drive thru? Obviously, I understand the time involved in making a pizza, but what about a pick up window for orders already placed? For example I call and place an order. They tell me it will be ready in 20 minutes. Then instead of having to drag everyone inside to simply pick it up I could cruise through the drive thru to get it, never having to leave my car or unload the kids. This could soooo work.

Why hasn't anyone thought of this? Or have they?

My Quest for the Best

When it comes to the doctors we choose for our family we try to find ones who are kind, caring, and compassionate. We also look for ones who listen and aren't heavy on the prescriptions. If something can be remedied without medication we would prefer to take that route. Essentially, we feel like the less medicine involved and the less invasion the better when it comes to treatment. In all honesty we have been incredibly fortunate to have the doctors we have. I love my primary care as does my husband. We love our pediatrician as well. And my love for my ob/gyn has been well documented on this blog. Our kids have a fantastic dentist and my husband and I are happy with ours. Even the handful of specialists we have seen from my podiatrist to the pediatric gastro, orthopedic surgeon, neurologist, and the Ears, Nose, and Throat specialists our kids have seen have all been wonderful. When my husband has changed jobs my biggest concern has been whether or not our doctors would continue to be covered and when one possibly wasn't going to be I was willing to pay out of pocket to continue seeing him.

That being said, the one doctor who both me and my husband have had terrible luck with is eye doctors. When we first moved to Tucson we had very basic eye coverage and the only places our insurance would cover were the major chains like Nationwide Vision. Every year that we would go they would want us to try to some majorly expensive contacts for no real medical reason despite the fact neither of us had problems with our current brand of contacts and had been wearing those for years. One year they messed up my husband's prescription and we bought glasses for him with that prescription. He had horrible headaches and blurred vision. We went back a few months later and they were off by quite a bit. Each of the past 6 years we try a new doctor in the hopes of finding "the one" and each year we leave disappointed, vowing to never return.

So, thus began another year of finding an eye doctor, which truly seems ridiculous. My prescription hasn't changed in years yet no one will fill my contacts unless I get a new prescription each year. Drives me nuts. However, after today I can add my new optometrist to the list of doctors I now love. The guy was great. He pretty much fit the mold of all of our other doctors and I left really pleased with the appointment.

I am pretty sure that now we have a doctor to consult with for essentially any ailment that could possibly afflict any part of our body. My work is done.

When Politics Trump Family

So, tonight I have some questions for you. Do you and your family (extended) share similar religious and/or political beliefs? If not, how do you handle those differences? Do you silently agree to disagree? Do you have knock down, drag out disagreements? Do you have mutually respecful conversations about those differences? Do you refuse to discuss religion or politics with them at all? Are the differences divisive?

I guess the lesson I have come to learn the hard and frustrating way is that religion and politics don't mix well in a family where people have drastically different views. In the past few months I have bowed out of discussions that involve politics or religion with certain members of my extended family (I will say that 80 percent of us share the same views on both politics and religion, so it's a small minority). It's just not worth it to me to cause hurt feelings or attack someone for believing differently and I really don't like feeling attacked for my beliefs.

I guess the bigger question is how you would handle it if you were constantly barraged with political criticism after repeatedly asking to be left out of political discussions. I am at a loss and for the sake of harmony am trying my hardest to not just walk away from it all. There are other people who would be hurt by that decision, my children mostly, and I am not selfish enough to allow my children to suffer the consequences of adults behaving badly.

A Child's Description of Wind

Yesterday I was walking hand in hand with my daughter through the parking lot. The wind was blowing pretty hard, although it thankfully wasn't the painful, whipping wind we often get gusts of here. I made a comment to her about it being windy. She said, "Mommy, the wind is really soft and it tickles my eyes."

I realize it is nothing overly profound, but for some reason just the description really stuck with me. Maybe it had something to do with the way she said it. Almost surprised or impressed. I'm not really sure. Either way I like her description.

Ten Years Ago

Ten years ago my weekends consisted of going out for dinner, drinks, and dancing with friends. On slower weekends I usually did some shopping and saw a movie or maybe lounged by the pool sipping margaritas with my girlfriends.

Oh, how things have changed. This past weekend consisted of grocery shopping, cleaning the house, taking care of a sick husband, and visiting the bookstore with the kids. One of the most exciting aspects of my weekend was getting a new super-deluxe toaster that does pretty much everything but make cheese.

What a difference ten years makes.

The Death of Critical Thinking

Each year one of the units I taught in my Junior and Senior English classes was a Speech and Debate unit. I would have students draw teams, draw topics, and draw sides to those topics. Inevitably, there would be some students "stuck" on the side of an issue with which they personally disagreed. Abortion, Immigration Reform, and Parental Consent for Birth Control were always the topics that elicited the strongest reactions.

I always began by explaining the research process. I would walk them through the importance of finding statistics and facts to support their position and also to start anticipating what the opposing side would use for support and then finding evidence or information to refute that. Without fail I would have a handful of students that would say, "But I don't believe that. I can't argue that. That is not what I really think." I would explain that part of being an effective communicator is being able to "see" the other side and whether you agree with it or not at least be able to acknowledge that there is another side and try to understand what the reasoning for that belief is. With that I would require them to find information that "the other side" might use to help support their cause or beliefs.

Some of the best persuasive arguments were done by students who were able to separate their personal feelings or biases toward a subject and focus solely on the facts of the issue at hand. Or by those who were able to channel the passion they personally felt into truly trying to understand the other side and doggedly trying to find information that someone on that side might use to explain his/her beliefs. It would always amaze me how passionate pro-life students could argue effortlessly and convincingly for pro-choice legislation. It stunned me when a Hispanic student, one whom I knew was not in our country legally, argued solidly for the deportation of all illegal aliens. While arguing for the other side rarely changed their personal views it at least made them realize that people who had views different from their own weren't these evil, ignorant people that they were made out to be by many of their like-minded peers. They were people just like them who took information, much of it the same information, but simply interpreted it differently, maybe saw shades of grey where they only saw black or white, and felt just as passionately that they were right.

I loved teaching this unit because it encouraged critical thinking skills. It forced them to be able to find information that defended the position they were charged with supporting. It made them think about what the "other side" would use for support and in so doing made them think two steps ahead and find information to refute those claims. Talk about seeing and having to understand an issue from all sides. Beyond that, the sheer research and organization of information and then being able to articulate all that information in a concise, coherent manner requires critical thinking skills that many simply do not have because they have never been forced to use them.

Of course there was an elaborate Rubric that I used to grade them. The one "rule" I always had, year after year, issue after issue was that there were to be no personal attacks. Never. A violation of this rule would result in a serious loss of points, enough to potentially lower their score two to three letter grades. I wanted the focus to be solely on the issue, never the person. They were to attack flaws or misrepresentations in the other side's facts and statistics. They were to point out examples of faulty reasoning. They were to attack holes in the information the other side presented, but under no circumstance was there to be name calling. There was to be no condemnation of those on the other side. I reiterated constantly that we debate the issues, not the people. Only once in six years did someone break that rule and get docked because of it. Once. These are high school kids I am talking about. By definition they are kids which means they are impulsive and sometimes lack judgment. Yet, year after year they sat in my classroom and argued issues without attacking or name calling.

At the end of this unit I always came away so impressed with the level of commitment they displayed and the seriousness with which they took this task. Kids were pushed out of their comfort zones, forced to think outside the box, and each year most of them exceeded all expectations. When I think about teaching this is one of the things I truly miss.

You may be asking at this point what this story has to do with anything. For starters, the fact that a lot of the general population lacks crucial critical thinking skills. In the absence of knowledge, ignorance breeds. Those who can't rationally and logically defend themselves result to name-calling and personal attacks and this leads to a further breakdown of critical thinking skills. In my personal life I like to surround myself with a variety of people who think differently, believe differently, act differently, and in general are just different than myself. Sure, I have many like-minded friends and family members whose company and discussions I cherish and enjoy. In the same vein I don't feel that my way of life is being threatened if others believe differently than I do. I acknowledge that they can be just as passionate about their ideas and beliefs as I am mine without it being an assault on my morals, values, and ideals.

I mentioned before my frustration with the constant political debates that we are bombarded with. My problem with them is that very few of them focus on the issues. Almost all of them attack the people holding these beliefs. Sadly, many are incapable of differentiating between the person and the idea. They assume that because they believe one way and that one way is different from the way someone else believes then the person who has that different belief is bad, evil, wrong, a threat, and the list goes on and on and on. If discussions on politics remained about the actual issues at hand, much like I demanded in my classroom, instead of resorting to name calling and accusations it would be a different story. But to call someone you disagree with “evil” or “stupid” or “unwise” or the host of other insults heaped upon those who think or feel or believe differently is immature and quite frankly says more about them and their character than it does about the person they are attacking, not to mention that it does nothing to defend or support the issue they are trying to fight for.

Sadly, where most of this name calling is coming from is the religious-right. I am a Christian and so I say this cautiously, but I think Christianity would be much better served if it took the rule from my classroom and applied it to its daily dealings with those who differ politically and/or religiously from them. The relentless criticism and condemnation flies directly in the face of Christian principles and that bothers me immensely. While Christians used to be lumped into one category, "Christians" we now have the "religious right", Liberal Christians, Christian Democrats, yada yada and a hierarchy of holiness is being handed out by the "heads" of this religious right contingency and their minions.

I just wonder when the issues stopped being about the issues. It seemed sudden, like the flip of a light switch. I just wonder who deemed "The Right" the moral authority. I was recently told that I was an “unwise Christian” for voting for Obama. I was told this by someone who claims to be a Christian. I am proud to be a Christian and I take my faith very seriously. Part of how I interpret my faith is a general respect for all other faiths even ones that aren't my own. While I may not share your beliefs I respect your right to your beliefs. I don't take my vote lightly. I weigh ALL issues and unfortunately sometimes have to vote for a candidate that doesn't share ALL of my same beliefs but shares MORE of them than the other candidate. I would venture to say that this is true for most voters. I refuse to be a one or two issue voter. While my faith and beliefs help guide my decision about who to vote for I don't vote for who the majority of those in my religion believe I should vote for simply because I am a member of that religion.

So, while I am proud of my faith, when Christians attack other Christians and attempt to minimize or discredit their faith based on a belief that their ideas are wrong because they are not the exact same as theirs it embarrasses me. If this is the witness that non-believers see, if this is the glimpse of Christianity they are exposed to, why would anyone want to be a Christian? If all people see is the religious-right railing against those who care about the environment, railing against those who think a 14 year old girl who is raped should be able to abort that baby, railing against those who think our government shouldn't torture, and railing against those who want the education in this country funded appropriately, then what picture of Christianity are they getting? I doubt it's an image that is going to be sending them scurrying to the nearest church anytime soon. If I were not already a Christian, I have serious doubts that I would want to be one, based on what I have seen from the self-appointed “Moral Voice” in this country.

Feeling compelled to say any of this is upsetting to me and what really disturbs me is that the people who cry the loudest about Christianity being ruined or eliminated in this country are the ones who are doing the most to contribute to is extinction. It worries me that Christians are doing themselves a great disservice by making every issue a personal attack on one's character and one's Christianity. Mark Twain once said, “If Christ were here, there is one thing he would certainly not be – a Christian." I think there is a lot of truth to that statement. The Christ I know is a loving one, a forgiving one, and yes, when necessary a vengeful one. He has His rules and there are distinct consequences for breaking those rules, but anyone, Christian or not, who has read the Bible knows that he ate with tax-collectors (lowly and dishonest in Biblical times) and hung out with sinners, he washed his disciple's feet in an act of humility, he took care of the poor and needy, he be-friended and forgave prostitutes. So, why are his supposed present-day followers so quick to condemn the modern-day versions of those Biblical "sinners?"

For me, I can only hope that we as a nation and we as Christians or members of any religion can return to a healthy debate of the issues void of any personal attacks, name calling or character assassinations. I hope that Christianity isn't associated all over the world as a right-winged extremist religion that hates those who are different from them. We are raising our children Christian, to stand true to their convictions, to take a stand when things are wrong. However, we are also raising our kids to be kind, and compassionate, to understand that people are different and to respect those differences instead of condemn them, and most importantly to love and to forgive. Will it be enough? I hope so.