Bathroom Humor

I have this thing about public bathrooms. Like I hate them. I think they are disgustingly dirty germ contraptions and unless I am about to literally explode I will not use them. So, making sure we all use the bathroom before we ever leave the house is a huge ordeal. It's like, "You better make sure you go now because you don't want to have to use a public bathroom" and it is said with the same disdain that the less informed and less rational among us say, "You better be good and never make Jesus mad because you don't want to have to go to public school." (Disclaimer: I am NOT one of those people).

Anyway, I digress.... My point is that public restrooms are to be avoided at all costs. This line of thought has been instilled in my children, more specifically my daughter. She would rather hold it for days, weeks, possibly months before she'd step foot in a public bathroom. I kid you not.

On the rare occasion she just has to pee bad enough she'll go in, check it out, and if it is acceptable enough she may consider it. Under those circumstances she will then promptly shower when we arrive back home to rid herself of the nasty public bathroom germs. They are a special breed of germs, you know. However, 99 percent of the time she says, "Um, no. This is a disgusting public bathroom. I will not go in here."

So, tonight my husband is running around the living room chasing the kids and every once in a while he'd stop suddenly, back his rear end up, shake it and the kids would run into it face first (Yes, sounds thrilling....it's what passes for fun in our house). He does this to our son who thinks it is hilarious.

Then he does it to our daughter. Hilarious? Not so much. Her exact words were, "Dad, you use disgusting public bathrooms. Your bottom has public bathroom germs. Do not put that by my face." She was dead serious. This kid is hardcore.