Gut Feelings

I tend to be what could be viewed as a bit pessimistic or glass half empty type of person. I prefer to look at it as a realist versus an idealist, but I won't go into the whole issue of semantics. The point is when a situation presents itself or a scenario unfolds I tend to explore, research, analyze the negative outcomes first and solutions to those before i allow myself to consider the possibility that they'll have a positive outcome. The benefit to this is that I am usually pretty well -equipped to handle bad news, trying situations and the like.

With having kids I've masked a lot of that natural pessimism and instead focused on the positives, because let's face it...I don't want to skew my kids' view of the world. Who does? Despite the rah-rah positive attitude I still often get premonitions or gut feelings about situations or circumstances and rarely am I wrong about those. So, to say I rely on my gut heavily is an understatement. I'm still Type A to the core with my flow charts and spread sheets and risk analysis summaries but if I have a gut feeling about something, even if it looks good on paper, I'll usually go with my gut.

That explanation leads me to this relatively new gut feeling. A positive type of anxiousness or anticipation that I can't quite put my finger on. It's not nervousness or excitement, really but more of just a sense that something big (in a good way) lies over the horizon. It's strange because it's not like I am waiting on specific news that I have a good feeling about. It's totally abstract and completely vague, but I can't shake the feeling. It's just this undercurrent that seems to be saying that things will be okay, better than okay, that something is going to happen to make a positive difference. I guess if anything good happens I could attribute that to the feeling, but I think it's bigger than that. That IF something does happen, I'll know. I'll be able to feel a sudden calm of the anxiousness and anticipation.

Do you ever have feelings like this? Do you tend to pay much attention or dismiss them?

Root Canals and Birthdays Just Might Go Together

December 31 is my birthday. December 30 I had a root canal. Poor planning on my part. I don't know what I was expecting, but I certainly wasn't expecting to be in horrible pain all day long. The root canal itself didn't hurt at all. However, once the anesthesia wore off and feeling was regained in my mouth it was horrific. Supposedly, this is typical for the first day or two. None of the pain meds my dentist gave me are providing any relief at all, so I spent the day beside myself with pain. I am just hoping that my birthday tomorrow is not spent in this same amount of pain. Turning 32 is painful enough for me!

My husband and I went out this past Sunday for dinner and to see a movie to celebrate my birthday. While I initially wanted to go out on my actual birthday I am now glad we did it ahead of time, especially if I am still unable to eat tomorrow. Anyway, we went out for sushi, one of our favorites, which was nice. Then we saw Up in the Air. It was good and George Clooney is always nice to look at. No complaints there.

Birthdays, for me, are just kind of depressing now. I mean as a kid you get these great parties and celebrations and everyone makes a big deal about them, but as an adult the same amount of excitement, by myself or others, simply doesn't exist. My parents and grandma always give me a gift as do my husband and kids. Then there is a meal of some sort with me and my husband, but inside I'm thinking, "What's really the point? I'm just another year older?" I don't know what my point is exactly, other than that birthdays just aren't what they used to be. And that is sad.

So, to everyone else out there....Happy New Year!

Some Random Thoughts on New Years Eve

**I really want a Mac laptop. I just don't want to part with the money to buy one. Especially since the moment I do something new and better will be on the market. I have spent over a year now researching every possible laptop out on the market and now I'm so informed and overwhelmed that I can't make a decision. Aside from my dream Mac I have at least narrowed the brand down to either a Dell or a Gateway and am hoping to be able to make a decision within the next week. So, I am asking you my internet friends. Any suggestions? What are your personal preferences and why? Have you had a bad experience with any particular make and/or model?

** My birthday was pretty uneventful as a whole. However, my daughter is very excited about birthdays and she just couldn't believe I was not going to have a birthday party. (She doesn't yet realize my husband and I are going out tomorrow alone in celebration) so, she spent the day making me beautiful pictures and then made a card for me tonight. So incredibly sweet and thoughtful.

** Just a few short years ago I would be spending New Years Eve out drinking at a party. Tonight I sit at home watching TV and fiddling on the computer. Oh, how times have changed.

** A good friend had her first baby tonight! (On her due date, no less). Congrats J!!! Your son is in good company :)

** My daughter was given a plasma car for Christmas from my parents. I had never heard of it before. The basic idea is that the weight of your body propels the movement of the car by gently moving the steering wheel back and forth. Once moving it steers like a car even going in reverse. I think I have spent more time on it than my children. Lately, I have taken to giving rides to each child. They think it is the greatest way to spend the day and since our downstairs is completely tiled we have quite a bit of inside space to cruise (The car holds up to 220 pounds).



** I'm not a big fan of New Years resolutions because most of the time I think they are made with little intention of truly keeping them or the best of intentions, but no specific plan for success. Last year I had two goals: 1) to lose weight and 2) to write and actually get paid for it. I did lose weight (I still would like to lose a little more) and I am getting paid for my writings. (Still a weird and exciting concept for me). So, in the spirit of consistency my New Years resolutions will once again be to lose weight and to continue to work as a writer....hopefully learning more and parlaying my current work experience into something new.