Having Second Thoughts

This could be a really long post with a lot of explanation, however since I got no more than a few hours sleep and as a result am dragging I'll keep it short. My husband and I have been looking for a mini-van for a year. I have been hesitant because nothing screams mom-mobile like a mini-van. Plus I am partial to my current car. There are a variety of reasons we were looking at a mini van, more room being the primary reason. The fact that our current car couldn't hold a third kid down the road is a concern.

A few days ago we found the perfect mini-van. Leather interior, navigation, DVD, 6 disc changer, power everything, dual power sliding doors, and a ton of other bells and whistles that aren't necessary, but are nice to have. Plus the price was a great deal. Great deal! Well, we bought it yesterday. I drove it around a bit, ran a few errands and it was great. I like it, the kids like it; it's convenient.

However, all day yesterday I had this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like this unrelenting nervousness that only intensified as the day went on. Regret? Buyer's remorse? I don't know. I couldn't put my finger on it. My husband and I talked it over repeatedly. I think we gave new meaning to "beating a dead horse." We spent hours listing all the pros and cons and every single time we ended up with more pros than cons.

But my gut. I just couldn't discount my gut. I have this spot-on intuition and when something doesn't feel right, it usually isn't. I have managed to avoid some potentially devastating (in a variety of ways) situations based on gut alone. I couldn't sleep last night, I've made lists, and graphs, and budgets. On paper this van is perfect. However, the moment I verbalized my desire to return the car very very late last night, or I guess really it was very early this morning, the knot that had been in my stomach all day unclenched. I could breathe. I felt settled again.

The car is going back.

** On a related note, the first thing my daughter said when she saw the new car was, "It's nice, but I'm sure going to miss our old car."

Are You Willing To Risk Losing It All in Order to Gain?

Often times I am reticent to change certain things or take risks. I reason that I should just stick to what I am doing, why rock the boat? However, sometimes that boat needs rocking. It can add life to something that has gone stale. It can provide a new opportunity where an old one has closed. It can relieve you of a bad situation and provide a better one. If I never risk anything, do I really ever gain anything meaningful? What real pleasure can be gained?

We have taken a lot of risks in the past year, some out of necessity and others calculated, with the hopes that we would not regret it later. Starting something new and/or different is always scary, especially for people like me who like to be in control and think of all possibilities in a thousand different scenarios before acting. Ultimately, only time will tell if these risks were wise, but so far everything seems to indicate that they were the right decisions to make.

I suppose the lesson learned is that sometimes change is necessary, risks are good, and circumstances are meant to change or evolve. This is not to say I am now willing to throw all caution to the wind and begin risking away, but it is to say that in the future I will be less hesitant to try new things, more likely sacrifice now so we don't have to in the future, and more willing to adapt and evolve as necessary.

How do you feel about change? It is something you embrace or tend to shy away from? When you have taken huge risks have they paid off?