Saturday, May 1, 2010

Domestic Disturbances

My husband and I don't argue a lot and when we do we make it a point to not do so in front of the kids. Today we had a bit of a verbal back and forth where voices were raised. The kids were in the backyard but had apparently come inside at some point and started hysterically crying upon hearing the argument. It broke my heart. They were scared and confused and clearly didn't like their mommy and daddy upset with each other.

It just made me think about kids who are raised in an environment where yelling, shouting, and fighting are the norm. I'm sure they get used to it to the point where it doesn't phase them or to the point where they no longer react, but that's sad in and of itself. No kid should ever have to get used to that.

The kids calmed down pretty quickly when I explained that mommy and daddy were just having a disagreement and that everything was fine, we all still loved each other. However, their response was enough to convince me that a home where fighting is the norm is no place for children. I've always been on the side of, "You don't get divorced, you work it out, especially if kids are involved." Today made me think though that if I were in a marriage that was constant fighting I'd do anything to protect my kids from that, including leave.

Do you make it a point to not argue in front of your child/children? How do your children handle spats between you and your spouse?


Joanne said...

I agree, to live in a household with such constant tension isn't healthy for anyone involved. But to see parents occasionally disagree is okay, letting children know that relationships fluctuate. And in a healthy relationship, differences are somehow worked out.

Anonymous said...

Hmm- that comment above gave me a perspective i've never thought of.

I think you took care of the situation beautifully. Very mature of you!

Robyn said...

I grew up in a house where fighting was the norm. LOUD fighting. And, I never "got used to it." In fact, I had a knot in my stomach my entire childhood and haven't lived home since I was 17 - and I LOVE my parents.

Hubby and I rarely fight. We did it once in front of Bear and it freaked him out. Suffice it to say, lesson learned.